No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
