She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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