I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
