you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Randomize
