How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
