If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
