I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
