other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
