at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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