Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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