You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
