In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
