I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
