whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
