My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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