I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
