I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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