You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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