I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
