Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
