I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
