I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
