and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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