she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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