3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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