Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
