Dual....:-)
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
