u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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