I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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