Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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