I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
do herpes really smell.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
