This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
