Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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