Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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