Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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