so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
