I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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