I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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