The maid of honor just puked.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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