So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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