You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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