I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
