How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
