And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
