I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
