I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i barfeds in our rink
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
