We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
