did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
