How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
