i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
